My life is everything I have ever wanted it to be at this moment. I am at an amazing school. More amazing than I knew it would be. I have amazing friends and family. Family that I get to see everyday. I definitely took that for granted when I was away at school. I go to a truly amazing church that is changing my life and the lives of others in our community.
I had the opportunity this weekend to surprise some of my friends from my sorority with a visit. I missed them more than I knew I could. There's something about Fulton, Missouri and the people there, that I just cannot get over. And I have the BEST friends that anyone could ever ask for. My friends are better than your friends; I'm sorry but it's true.
I am feeling incredibly blessed lately. This is as good as it gets.
Sunday, September 29, 2013
Wednesday, January 9, 2013
The words I couldn't say...
The reason this post is so titled is because on the way home from the Passion 2013 Conference, members of my church stood in front of the bus and said what was on their heart from that week, something they learned, etc.. I couldn't find the words or courage at that time to say what I was feeling. I was nearly moved to tears because of all the things I realized in those moments.
I didn't decide to go to Passion to find my faith or Jesus. I thought my faith was as strong as it was going to get. The very first night in the Georgia Dome with 60,000 other college students, the first thing I thought was, "Most of these people love Jesus more than I have ever loved anything."
Just before the Passion 2013 Conference my sister and I were shopping. We saw these bracelets in a store and something drew me to them. They said words such as, "BLESSED," "INSPIRE," "DREAM," "LOVE," "FEARLESS," "FAITH," "FIERCE," and "BELIEVE." I love the color purple so I looked at all of the purple ones. I couldn't decide for awhile, so I walked away. I had a weird feeling about one, I couldn't get the word out of my head. I picked it up and I knew for certain that I NEEDED it. I chose "FEARLESS." Since then, I have been wearing it as a reminder to live life and chase my dreams.
I was raised Catholic, so I went to religion classes every week. I remember in first grade my teacher asked us to think about what we would do if someone came in the door right now with a gun and said, "If you believe in God I'm going to shoot you." And she asked us to think about whether or not we would stand up. I think about it often and my answer always remains the same. The biggest reason why I like my church now over Catholic church is because of the messages. I never understood how to relate what a priest said to my life. I love that my pastor has actually lived in the world with struggles and I can actually understand how normal people live their lives and walk with Christ. I have always believed in God and when I struggled as a teenager, I turned to prayer and had faith in Christ. I went to church all by myself and sat in the back row by myself. I never felt like Christ knew me or cared about me at all. But my mother always said that God listens to the prayers of children.
I think logically. I always have. I try to make sense of everything through science and logic. With religion, I have never found answers that satisfy. I have taught myself to hide emotions and learned to be strong. But I don't make friends easily. I have learned how to distract myself when things get hard. And I'm doing just fine. I long for relationships with people, but I do just fine without them. I'm a thinker, dreamer, observer, and analyzer. So it has always been very hard for me to believe in anything. But for my whole life I have been trying.
I have always been terrified by the thought of death. I never knew for sure that life after death existed. But this past week for the very first time in my life, I thought about death and I wasn't afraid. I actually felt joy. And I have continued to think and analyze death and have not been overcome by fear.
About a month ago, I realized I was getting excited for Sundays and Tuesdays. I was counting the days and planning my life around church on Sundays and my campus ministry meetings on Tuesdays. I now know that I need to be living like that everyday. Living my life in a way that helps to justify the fact that Jesus died so I could live.
It seems that music has always greatly influenced and moved me. During Passion, I saw the glory of God through music. I saw talented musicians give the credit of their talents to God. Calling themselves a tool of God's work. That to me is so beautiful. There were so many amazing songs and artists, but of all the worship there was one song that stood out. "In Christ Alone" I have heard it before, but did not recognize it. And this one line stuck with me. "Until He returns, or calls me home, here in the power of Christ I stand." I think this was the Lord's way of speaking to me. Reminding me to live and not worry, that he is waiting to welcome me home.
These are the words I couldn't say...
I didn't go to Passion to find Jesus, but He found me and for the first time I am FEARLESS.
I didn't decide to go to Passion to find my faith or Jesus. I thought my faith was as strong as it was going to get. The very first night in the Georgia Dome with 60,000 other college students, the first thing I thought was, "Most of these people love Jesus more than I have ever loved anything."
Just before the Passion 2013 Conference my sister and I were shopping. We saw these bracelets in a store and something drew me to them. They said words such as, "BLESSED," "INSPIRE," "DREAM," "LOVE," "FEARLESS," "FAITH," "FIERCE," and "BELIEVE." I love the color purple so I looked at all of the purple ones. I couldn't decide for awhile, so I walked away. I had a weird feeling about one, I couldn't get the word out of my head. I picked it up and I knew for certain that I NEEDED it. I chose "FEARLESS." Since then, I have been wearing it as a reminder to live life and chase my dreams.
I was raised Catholic, so I went to religion classes every week. I remember in first grade my teacher asked us to think about what we would do if someone came in the door right now with a gun and said, "If you believe in God I'm going to shoot you." And she asked us to think about whether or not we would stand up. I think about it often and my answer always remains the same. The biggest reason why I like my church now over Catholic church is because of the messages. I never understood how to relate what a priest said to my life. I love that my pastor has actually lived in the world with struggles and I can actually understand how normal people live their lives and walk with Christ. I have always believed in God and when I struggled as a teenager, I turned to prayer and had faith in Christ. I went to church all by myself and sat in the back row by myself. I never felt like Christ knew me or cared about me at all. But my mother always said that God listens to the prayers of children.
I think logically. I always have. I try to make sense of everything through science and logic. With religion, I have never found answers that satisfy. I have taught myself to hide emotions and learned to be strong. But I don't make friends easily. I have learned how to distract myself when things get hard. And I'm doing just fine. I long for relationships with people, but I do just fine without them. I'm a thinker, dreamer, observer, and analyzer. So it has always been very hard for me to believe in anything. But for my whole life I have been trying.
I have always been terrified by the thought of death. I never knew for sure that life after death existed. But this past week for the very first time in my life, I thought about death and I wasn't afraid. I actually felt joy. And I have continued to think and analyze death and have not been overcome by fear.
About a month ago, I realized I was getting excited for Sundays and Tuesdays. I was counting the days and planning my life around church on Sundays and my campus ministry meetings on Tuesdays. I now know that I need to be living like that everyday. Living my life in a way that helps to justify the fact that Jesus died so I could live.
It seems that music has always greatly influenced and moved me. During Passion, I saw the glory of God through music. I saw talented musicians give the credit of their talents to God. Calling themselves a tool of God's work. That to me is so beautiful. There were so many amazing songs and artists, but of all the worship there was one song that stood out. "In Christ Alone" I have heard it before, but did not recognize it. And this one line stuck with me. "Until He returns, or calls me home, here in the power of Christ I stand." I think this was the Lord's way of speaking to me. Reminding me to live and not worry, that he is waiting to welcome me home.
These are the words I couldn't say...
I didn't go to Passion to find Jesus, but He found me and for the first time I am FEARLESS.
Monday, October 15, 2012
Senior year
I have been in total and complete denial that I am a senior in college. Refusing to even speak the S-word for the first few weeks. Who had the idea to only make college last four years anyway? I feel like I am just getting started. This school year has already been the most amazing year of my life. I have met and became friends with some of the most amazing people and I don't know how I never knew them before. And as I meet new people, go to parties, participate in philanthropy events, I have realized that this is it. This is the last time for so many things that I have come to know and love about college life. I feel like I wasted so much time before and I am ready to make this year count. Today as I put on my Judy pearls for my LAST composite picture, I truly realized that would probably be the last time I ever wore them. And it hit me like a wall of bricks.
So here is to this year, may it be the most fun, most fulfilling, and most amazing year yet! This is it, one more time, the last time for so many things...hopefully :)
Love Always,
So here is to this year, may it be the most fun, most fulfilling, and most amazing year yet! This is it, one more time, the last time for so many things...hopefully :)
Love Always,
Katie
Wednesday, May 9, 2012
The g word
To the Alpha Chi Omega Senior Class of 2012,
I have been trying to think of what I could possibly say to my senior friends who will be moving to the next stage in their lives. Thank you. All of you, for everything these past three years. I cannot imagine my college experience without you. Thank you for teaching me, supporting me, inspiring me, guiding me, listening to me, pushing me, talking to me, showing me, having faith in me, and loving me.
Most people think that the g-word is supposed to be a happy and exciting time. But they don't know our sisterhood. The thought of not having my best friends so close to me is not something I'm happy about. The refusal to use the g-word has helped keep me in denial that I will soon be missing some very special people in my life.
Sharing the past three years with all of you has been more than I could have ever imagined. And as I sit here trying to believe that it is truly over, I am fighting back tears. I love every, single one of you very much. I know that all of you are moving on to bigger and better things and I am so proud of you. But part of me wishes that we could have just a little more time. More time to laugh and stress and party together. I will forever cherish the last three years.
Thank you most of all for showing me what it means to be a part of Alpha Chi Omega. Showing me how to be my best and to expect nothing less than excellence. Showing me how to make the most of Greek Life and teaching me what it means to be a part of something bigger.
I have been trying to think of what I could possibly say to my senior friends who will be moving to the next stage in their lives. Thank you. All of you, for everything these past three years. I cannot imagine my college experience without you. Thank you for teaching me, supporting me, inspiring me, guiding me, listening to me, pushing me, talking to me, showing me, having faith in me, and loving me.
Most people think that the g-word is supposed to be a happy and exciting time. But they don't know our sisterhood. The thought of not having my best friends so close to me is not something I'm happy about. The refusal to use the g-word has helped keep me in denial that I will soon be missing some very special people in my life.
Sharing the past three years with all of you has been more than I could have ever imagined. And as I sit here trying to believe that it is truly over, I am fighting back tears. I love every, single one of you very much. I know that all of you are moving on to bigger and better things and I am so proud of you. But part of me wishes that we could have just a little more time. More time to laugh and stress and party together. I will forever cherish the last three years.
Thank you most of all for showing me what it means to be a part of Alpha Chi Omega. Showing me how to be my best and to expect nothing less than excellence. Showing me how to make the most of Greek Life and teaching me what it means to be a part of something bigger.
I love you all. Thank you for everything.
Congratulations! I will miss you!
~LITB~ KG
Wednesday, February 15, 2012
Secret of gold
Poetry seems to be the only way I can express myself lately.
The secret from a friends lips is gold
a most treasured gift of truth and trust.
For to give trust is to give a piece of yourself for care and nuture.
Without the ability to share,
an inward turn on oneself.
Take care of friends
and do not dare
to share the secrets
that they bare.
For then you shall earn no greater love than this you've learned.
The secret from a friends lips is gold
a most treasured gift of truth and trust.
For to give trust is to give a piece of yourself for care and nuture.
Without the ability to share,
an inward turn on oneself.
Take care of friends
and do not dare
to share the secrets
that they bare.
For then you shall earn no greater love than this you've learned.
Saturday, February 11, 2012
It has been WAY too long since my last blog. I actually write a lot of halfway finished blogs and never get around to finishing them. But today I saw something that made me want to write. This is for a friend, but also for me.
Blue now, but not forever
love so deep, it feels as pain
abandon you, i will never
For upon you the sorrow reigns.
i know you will find the strength to make this change
for with loss, something inside you, must learn to grieve
and without the comfort of his life you feel strange
hearing it, is hard to even think, imagine, or believe.
The pain in life can tear you down
and you can let it, just for now.
But then you'll know to turn around
determine to smile and to allow...
the feeling of loss, turned to celebration
that time spent was precious, yes
Changed forever you will find integration
into your life, and then progress.
to loving deeper because you know
the gift of life will never show
how much it cost to lose a friend
and to say goodbye in the end
you're forever changed and missing
a piece of you and you're wishing
for one last talk or hug or smile
but the time you had was-most of all-worthwhile.
I will always, be here for you
because without you who would i be?
i know you're strong, even with the Blue
the greatest friend you've been to me
even though your color's off a hue
that's okay, I still love you!
Blue now, but not forever
love so deep, it feels as pain
abandon you, i will never
For upon you the sorrow reigns.
i know you will find the strength to make this change
for with loss, something inside you, must learn to grieve
and without the comfort of his life you feel strange
hearing it, is hard to even think, imagine, or believe.
The pain in life can tear you down
and you can let it, just for now.
But then you'll know to turn around
determine to smile and to allow...
the feeling of loss, turned to celebration
that time spent was precious, yes
Changed forever you will find integration
into your life, and then progress.
to loving deeper because you know
the gift of life will never show
how much it cost to lose a friend
and to say goodbye in the end
you're forever changed and missing
a piece of you and you're wishing
for one last talk or hug or smile
but the time you had was-most of all-worthwhile.
I will always, be here for you
because without you who would i be?
i know you're strong, even with the Blue
the greatest friend you've been to me
even though your color's off a hue
that's okay, I still love you!
Monday, August 29, 2011
Today I put my lavalier back on
Last semester I was working in the barn a lot ( I was responsible for the daily care of 7 horses). I was starting to get a rash on my neck all around where the chain of my lavalier hung. So I took it off and put it in my jewelry box. And that is where it stayed until today.
This action came to symbolize a period in my life for me. This period in my life was one where I let go of all of my Alpha Chi Omega values, support, and experiences. I spent little to no time around my sisters and I did not attend very many chapter events. Yeah, I was always busy during these things I missed, but I probably could have worked to change that. I gave no excuses, had no regrets, and had a generally bad attitude. For this and other reasons I won't get in to, I wanted to leave. I had planned to. My feelings were hurt when I was thinking about leaving Alpha Chi, because I felt like no one noticed or cared. But I was the one who didn't care. I wouldn't have given someone the time of day if they had tried to talk to me. They probably did, not that I noticed. It was all on me. I don't like to go back on promises I make, so I was planning to stay until after recruitment, after my duties as a pi chi (recruitment counselor) were over. I know I've said this before, but I will say it again. I truly believe everything happens for a reason. Being a Pi Chi was my saving grace. If not for that, I would have left behind my sisterhood, my friends, and one of the most important things in my life. All because I was having serious trouble balancing things.
I took my lavalier off first, but then I stopped wearing my letters all together. My AXO t-shirts were buried in the bottom of my drawers, my AXO bags were left unused, and my heart was somewhere else too.
I went through a pretty tough time, I don't like to share those things with other people though. I tend to turn inward on myself and just get quiet. It took some seriously great friends to get me through this and I'm thankful for them. These new friends I made changed parts of my outlook on life. I needed them so badly then and I can't believe I was without them for so long.
At the end of the summer, I tried not to think about how it would feel to be back, really back, here. But when I was here I immediately felt the exact same way when I stepped through the doors two years ago for the first time. I belong here and I think part of me has always known that. Sometimes it just gets lost in the mess of life. Shortly after I was back here I had to leave again to fulfill 'duties' of a Pi Chi (recruitment counselor). I temporarily moved in with 12 members of different sororities. I had thought living with these women was going to be awkward, uncomfortable, and stressful even. But it was AMAZING. We bonded over silly youtube videos and a common love of Greek Life. We shared every second together and couldn't have gotten along any better! We laughed so hard ALL THE TIME. It reminded me of how it was to bond with my AXO sisters in the beginning. These women helped spread and share the love for Greek Life with the new students. It reminded me of how much I want to change what the world thinks of sororities and how much I truly, deeply love everything they stand for. It was these women who reminded me the strength and love that grows from the bonds of sisterhood. Nothing will ever compare to the experiences I have been fortunate enough to have through Alpha Chi Omega and I cannot imagine being who I am today without it.
Much like my veganism, I know people don't understand this and it's something I care about with all my heart.
Eventually, my attitude changed. I started thinking about all the things Alpha Chi had taught me. All the things I had experienced. And then I thought about what I'd be without out Alpha Chi Omega. And I'm a creative person, but I literally could not imagine myself without it. Someone once told me, "You radiate the spirit of you chapter" and someone told my sister "Katie is going Alpha Chi, we just know it" Even before I knew it. I am an Alpha Chi Omega. And I ALWAYS will be. And Today I put my lavalier back on.
LITB <3
This action came to symbolize a period in my life for me. This period in my life was one where I let go of all of my Alpha Chi Omega values, support, and experiences. I spent little to no time around my sisters and I did not attend very many chapter events. Yeah, I was always busy during these things I missed, but I probably could have worked to change that. I gave no excuses, had no regrets, and had a generally bad attitude. For this and other reasons I won't get in to, I wanted to leave. I had planned to. My feelings were hurt when I was thinking about leaving Alpha Chi, because I felt like no one noticed or cared. But I was the one who didn't care. I wouldn't have given someone the time of day if they had tried to talk to me. They probably did, not that I noticed. It was all on me. I don't like to go back on promises I make, so I was planning to stay until after recruitment, after my duties as a pi chi (recruitment counselor) were over. I know I've said this before, but I will say it again. I truly believe everything happens for a reason. Being a Pi Chi was my saving grace. If not for that, I would have left behind my sisterhood, my friends, and one of the most important things in my life. All because I was having serious trouble balancing things.
I took my lavalier off first, but then I stopped wearing my letters all together. My AXO t-shirts were buried in the bottom of my drawers, my AXO bags were left unused, and my heart was somewhere else too.
I went through a pretty tough time, I don't like to share those things with other people though. I tend to turn inward on myself and just get quiet. It took some seriously great friends to get me through this and I'm thankful for them. These new friends I made changed parts of my outlook on life. I needed them so badly then and I can't believe I was without them for so long.
At the end of the summer, I tried not to think about how it would feel to be back, really back, here. But when I was here I immediately felt the exact same way when I stepped through the doors two years ago for the first time. I belong here and I think part of me has always known that. Sometimes it just gets lost in the mess of life. Shortly after I was back here I had to leave again to fulfill 'duties' of a Pi Chi (recruitment counselor). I temporarily moved in with 12 members of different sororities. I had thought living with these women was going to be awkward, uncomfortable, and stressful even. But it was AMAZING. We bonded over silly youtube videos and a common love of Greek Life. We shared every second together and couldn't have gotten along any better! We laughed so hard ALL THE TIME. It reminded me of how it was to bond with my AXO sisters in the beginning. These women helped spread and share the love for Greek Life with the new students. It reminded me of how much I want to change what the world thinks of sororities and how much I truly, deeply love everything they stand for. It was these women who reminded me the strength and love that grows from the bonds of sisterhood. Nothing will ever compare to the experiences I have been fortunate enough to have through Alpha Chi Omega and I cannot imagine being who I am today without it.
Much like my veganism, I know people don't understand this and it's something I care about with all my heart.
Eventually, my attitude changed. I started thinking about all the things Alpha Chi had taught me. All the things I had experienced. And then I thought about what I'd be without out Alpha Chi Omega. And I'm a creative person, but I literally could not imagine myself without it. Someone once told me, "You radiate the spirit of you chapter" and someone told my sister "Katie is going Alpha Chi, we just know it" Even before I knew it. I am an Alpha Chi Omega. And I ALWAYS will be. And Today I put my lavalier back on.
LITB <3
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